emotions of

I think my blog is probably a bit too public for comfort, to reveal about certain emotions.
I would try to be optimistic, but I suppose I tend towards the pessimistic side more often, so here goes.
If everyone's life has to have a purpose, I might have found one. But I think one purpose in life is not enough, it makes life boring, and it makes it not worth looking forward to. So I started looking for more purposes in life, to make it interesting, to make myself hopeful.
I have to confess here that my way of treating situations, and treat people, is a lot more emotional than logical. As a matter of fact I don't have much theories about life, nothing much to propose about, nothing much to contribute to people's way of thinking. My primary source of happiness comes from the emotional fulfillment I receive. That's why, I get lonely easily. It used to be easy to drive away the loneliness, but I realised I get affected by other people's negative emotions more and more easily. It's harder to forget about the loneliness that I have.
To drive away this loneliness, I came up with my own way of resolving - attaching myself to more people, to make myself ... worthy. That's why, I live for others. I live for others so that they can live.
You see me as a very spas person in a group of people, joking or being the joke, or taking part in a joke.
But when alone, especially on nights when I cannot sleep, I always think.
Who am I to you?
To you?
And you?
And you?
What about you?
What do you see in me? What I am good at? Why are we friends, not strangers?
Grades? Certain subject? Useful to have around? Bully target? Someone good to make use of?
I want to know, but I don't want to know. I don't want to face the reality where everyone is deemed selfish, favouring their own benefits before they benefit others. I want to live in a fairy tale, where the world is an utopia, where maybe the loneliness would go away.
Give me a reason, and I would sweep everything aside, for you.
Maybe, my care is not shown at all. Maybe...