rainbow life

I think my brain is not suited for logical argument, which means it's for fantasizing + talking about abstract stuff which looks joke.
If a human's life is composed of a spectrum of colours, does adding in more colours create more shades and textures, or does it neutralise all the different colour and giving white as the ultimate mixture?
Colours can represent a lot of things in life. Emotions, experience, people, choices.
Does having too much colours in your life a bad thing? Now I'm trying to be as colourful as possible. I'm taking in colours, but not everything in the spectrum, because some are not suitable for me. Maybe I'm not that accepting after all, shouldn't the ultimate accepting person be able to take anything thrown at him and still survive?
Makes me think that some palettes of colours in my life are not miscible with the other colours. That's why I can't use them to create more tones and shades.
It's during emo times when I start blabbing things out. I should read more books on logical argument to balance my mind actually.

ouch

Since the past few days my gum on the right side of the mouth has been inflamed. Every time I tried to bite it hurts, even if I only use the left side to chew my teeth would always touch the inflamed gum. Ouch.

So now can only try to eat softer stuff, and for the past two days drinking porridge instead of eating any rice, until my mom finally cannot take it and cook noodles today :P

So yeah if my face seemed thinner that means not well nourished. It's like pain until hungry also don't feel like eating.

Oh and after tmr's bio can finally slack a bit. Then revise maths and hardcore chem. I'm quite sure there are chem topics which I NEED to practise, otherwise will lose a lot of marks during BT.

continues to jiayou.

BLOCKS

Hihi everyone, jy for that block week.
Even if die it's 10%! There is a common saying that blocks is for you to fail so that you will be more motivated to mug for promos, so jiayou!

:|

If only hugging can destroy all the sorrow and anguish.

hihihi

Doing eom makes me emo.
I keep feeling that it's not enough. As though I'm not being a good enough friend.
IM FUCKING NOT GOOD ENOUGH. SCREW THAT.

Hug

This post is dedicated to a certain someone who is near breakdown already, with blocks and a million other things. By the time you actually read this it would be weeks later I suppose, but this post is for you anyways :D
首先，看你仿佛不死不活，要死要活，半死不活的样子，很担心的。不过问题是我对你的帮助也不大，所以看见有人在抱怨的时候也不知道能干什么。
你和另外一个人的不同是另外一个人有话也不一定会说出来，所以也不知道有没有关系。
我想太多，做得太少，所以如果你挺过去了，下次请你KOI（上次的KOI还没请呢）
所以首先，如果你死了的话就没人请你奶茶了。
因此，加油加油。以后如果你不建议的话，can hug also LOL

comic!

I can draw comics. zomg.
A self-made comic, enjoy while mugging for blocks. Or mugging in general.

thank you

This post is dedicated to a certain someone ^^
Well, thanks for hearing me out and taking in what I said with acceptance.
Now I probably felt better than before, with all the tension building up inside me. So with the convo it's all better.
And of course, thanks for keeping the friendship :)
Dunno, maybe after this we can talk to each other more freely? Or maybe not much change yet, except we need to make the changes ourselves hmm.
Oh well, time to hardcore pw eom.

act of stupidity

Today marks the end of the second day of YSEC. YSEC is fun if you get to be the 'anyhow whack' person like me, any of the roles also go join. Then you get to run around and do alot of extra but fun work.
Though YSEC is really just entertaining some sec 1 - 2 children, and giving less than 10 minute crash course on ionic equation when probably half of them don't even know what are ions. But the whole process is fun, cus you get to do a lot of different activities, especially by running around. Now I know what a lab tech feels like.
Moving on, this shall be a celebration to what OTHER stuff I did during YSEC, which of course is not related to the actual experiments in any way possible.
So one fine day, fanyi went to heat dilute nitric acid on the hot plate in an attempt to make conc nitric acid. Nothing happened and he was sad. :(
Today, fanyi 百折不挠 and went to heat dilute nitric acid on the hot plate again, this time increasing the original volume and actually manage to bring it down to 1/6 its original volume. ie. 6 times the concentration. He tested with iron wire and nothing happened. He was sad.
BUT NEVERMIND! Cus fanyi went to heat dilute sulfuric acid this time, and the volume went down to 1/5 its original volume. And again nothing much happened, except for some fumes coming out (which I use petri dish to cover)
And then when fanyi decided to add the conc nitric acid to the conc sulfuric acid, everything just went boomz. Uh no the lab did not explode (awwwwww) but let's just say that suddenly so much acid fumes came out that the entire lab 'turned hazy' as quoted from marcus, and have to open all the windows, off the air-con to get rid of the acid fumes bleh. plus, I got burnt by the acid fumes (wut) A very small burn on the hand, and indeed at first it felt dam itchy (the painful kind of itch). WOW SO THAT'S WHAT ACID BURN FEELS LIKE.
On a side note, I was playing around with the conc sulfuric acid I made which successfully burnt holes on paper used to wipe tables. And I think 2 drops went onto my pants so now there are 2 brown dots on my school uniform, together with black dots caused by calligraphy ink my pants are going to be multi-coloured.

inferiority complex = random crapping

多多少少也应该有了。总而言之就是觉得自己没有别人好。
可以说是很早就已经感觉到了，主要是因为自己做事所花费的心思不多。（而且也不打算花费太多，看情况吧。）
不过这不只反映在学业上，在日常生活中与人相处时有时也会想到。（当然不能说出来否则太emo了）
因为这样所以自己疑心太重，或者对事情的成功率有明显的轻视。因为太害怕失去所以舍不得放弃，仿佛和自卑心理产生了矛盾一样。
Ok back to english, in case ppl who prefer not to read chinese get emo or something :)
On a side note, ray ray (ie. an attempted attempt to find a new and original nickname for ray yan) is going silicon valley soon. So this paragraph is dedicated to him to enjoy his trip, manage to get more than 5 hours of sleep, and get a lot more experiences from overseas. I don't think they sell graphite rods at silicon valley so nvm ;)
Moving on, X-man origin was epic. It's sad to say that I probably agree with magneto's way of thinking more than xavier. (xavier is too optimistic omg. HOW CAN THERE STILL BE SUCH OPTIMISTIC PPL IN THE WORLD??) But if there's really an outbreak of human vs mutants war, (metaphorically u can say its common ppl vs elites war?) I would probably fall into the human camp. Some people may be willing to accept the mutants as their future leaders, or manage to interact peacefully with them, but human pride is a very strong thing. And so if I'm an ordinary human I would be unwilling to accept them, pride? envy? perhaps so.
Which is why I try to maintain that 'fanyi is chem god' impression of me, (but seriously arh, good frens of mine all noe my chem is fail one lols. ok maybe not that fail fail but the fail, if you get what I mean.) because it's one of the few things which I cling on tightly to. And ironically while saying this I'm still slacking off chem o lololol, bleh is going to die for organic chem, again. -.-
As you can see my thoughts not neatly arranged at all, and not 100% serious with what I say, front part talking about human pride then suddenly start ranting about how much I'm slacking off chem o. That is probably how my brain 'works' - like a gigantic mass of screwed up and tangled knots, so everything comes out randomly / in disarray. Probably why I cannot do complex and / or logical thinking, can only mug. Which is also why there are certain chem topics which I'm erhem godlike at, cus since sec 1 start mugging periodic table alr.
And then I digress off to some other random topic: the good thing about being the lab tech's 'pet' is that she no longer cares whatever you may do because she believes that you won't do / would do but ensuring the lab does not explode. And hence heating nitric acid on a hotplate while slowly filtering watermelon rind juice became a, well, form of recreation.
Maybe in the end I would do research, except I don't feel like doing those stone in front of fume hood doing the same thing for years that kind of research, dam boring and dam no life.
Final random note: I am X. But most people think I'm Y because I'm either so X that it seems impossible for me to be X, or because I'm so good at Z that people thinks that I'm Y. And also because of my common link to A make people believe that it's not likely for me to be X. And some people feel that I'm not X at all cus I just don't seem to be X. Oh and maybe cus I am able to treat the right groups of people correctly, so people think I'm Y.
If you are like o.o? at the above paragraph it's ok, cus I'm not intending to blatantly reveal it anyways. But if you somehow guessed it pls tell me yeah? Depending on who you are I would choose whether or not to kill / not kill you. :D
Nites ppl.

emo

Suddenly I'm emo again. The insecurity is coming back to kill me >.<
I'm pessimistic by nature, I always think about the worst, and think about a lot of 'what-if's, and keep thinking things happen because I'm not good enough.
I am not good enough. I keep wishing I could be, but looking at how I treat people, I think I'm not.
And then I slowly drown in self-consciousness and self-denial.
Some may see me as happily going around, making people high, giving people hugs when they need them.
Does anyone know that I also need hugs sometimes? And where do I get hugs from someone who does it not for fun, but for comfort?
If two people are too similar, they won't be able to come together.
Screw complementary base-pairing.

decision

I think I have decided, between the 2.
Yep. Although the return may not be worth it, but no, I'm going to make up my mind.
Refuse to say anything more :)