9 type personality

I did the Enneagram 9 personality type again (just to see whether there is a change in personality). Turned out to be quite unchanged.
3 6 1 6 4 5 2 1 8 <----- my scores for the 9 types starting from 1.
So I guess my defining characters are peacemaker, helper and individualist. Kind of interesting cus there might be some kind of contradiction between these.
I would see myself as someone who is rather independent, but likes people to depend on me, especially for emotional sense of dependence. That's why the more a person relies on me the more I like the person. Hehe that's why my close friends are so important to me :P

scary

Scary isn't it, when a person loses the meaning to live, no one can convince him or her to stay in this world.

The elaboration on 'fanyi is too nice' is that even when the action is clearly not worth it, I would still carry on. It is driven by rational irrationality.

feel

One guy once said 'If you want to know about aa, bb, cc and dd, ask Fan Yi.'
I laughed at that time cus it suggested how stalker I am sometimes. (ok maybe alot of the times.)
But I know I don't 'know about' these people at all. People tend to form a closed system where even emotions are not left exposed. And it is very hard to read or feel people's emotions, or understand their thoughts. One good question is why do I want to know so much, which I currently am trying (and sort of failing cus I hardly analyse myself nowadays) to find a non-biased answer.
On the other hand, I'm super self-conscious such that I link any not so obvious comments about a not so obvious someone to myself and see whether it applies, and then what does the not so obvious comment mean.

In the end I'm not unique enough to be irreplaceable.

fluid

Is it just me, or is there almost no change from the initial point even after an action was made?
Even if I'm 外柔内刚, the 刚 part requires certain specific requirements. I am still unable to achieve the requirements to be 刚, which is why I'm so fluid now. It's like water, it doesn't have a fixed shape and takes whatever the container wants it to be, it flows over obstacles bypassing it instead of conquering it.
There was a recent event that made me realise how little I understood my friend(s). Or maybe I do understand except I made use of the trust for my own purpose. I am just .... terrible.
I'm sorry. I always feel that the injury did not mend.