Reflection

Ok it's going to be 2012 in 1 hour, time to reflect on this year. My reflection this year will be separated into the good and the bad.

Bads
1. Studies
The first year in JC was horrible in terms of results received. The system was new, there were a lot of activities, and I still wanted to play, hence my grades have to suffer. Ranging from all subjects except GP which was still ok (in the promos that is), the rest were ridiculously bad.
Bio = did not mug enough, did not remember enough. Chem = too careless and too proud to do work properly. Maths = made careless mistake at the wrong place at the wrong time. Econs = o.o? I think I need help.. GP = more practice.

2. Work
There are other types of work such as Centad and ISYF, and random projects here and there (lol smtp). The main problem I see with myself now is that I tend to slack until the last minute, when I start to chiong. Also, I tend to do things by myself and do not order people around, ie. I became a voluntary tanker.

3. Relationships
When I make new friends, some old ones may have to go. I have this feeling that I may have communicated too little with some of my friends. Need better time management for this. But then, since my theory of tiers still hold, let's see how much time I can give to the rest.
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Goods
1. Relationships
I would say I made a lot of good friends this year, and also strengthened the ties with some of my old friends. So one of the ways how I 安慰 myself for the bads is that I made a lot of close friends in 1 year as compared to that 4 long years where I lived for no one.
Also, I've made a lot of friends who treat me as a close friend as well (there's a difference between you treating someone as close friend and him treating you as close friend) I think I made myself a more trustworthy person, so people tend to share their problems and stuff with me. Also, I'm a very casual person, hopefully I don't put nervous people off.

2. Personal
I really need to emphasize on this. I became a WAY BETTER person this year, as compared to the past 4 years in high school. I learnt a lot of things along the way, but the main change started late last year to this year, thanks to a lot of people who made me aware that I should improve my personality for the better. Firstly, I want to thank thamsy for his scoldings since last year about my horrible personality. I forced myself to change because I want him to be convinced that he has a friend worthy of his trust and care. It might be accidental, but yeah I changed for you, and now I changed for myself :)
Next, I want to thank ray yan for providing the ideas of love theory. I would say I always escape from logic because I'm (afraid?) of its power. (Actually I don't understand why I tend to move away from logic, maybe because I always feel that emotions along can get results as of now) But anyways, yup you taught me a lot about the subject of love, so I hope I can make good use of that for my future endeavors. o.o
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People
At the end of the year, there are quite a number of people that I want to thank.
First, thank you thamsy for being a close friend, for sharing with me your idea and philosophy, for talking about nonsense such as ingesting chloroform to drug people and carnivorous tendencies.
Second, thank you rayray for being a close friend (as well), talking to me during times when you were probably chionging work (again) while I'm lazily doing work or slacking, giving me the key to a locked world (so that hopefully I can make it a more cheerful place) and being a pseudo-神. (dun worry I wont treat u like a real 神 since I wont worship u :O)
Third, thank you domi for being someone whos interestingly similar in personality, and yet different enough to be unique in your own way, for being that one person, for letting me stone with u and many others.
Fourth, thank you gc for being pro! You are the few people who make me feel worryless whenever I talk to you, all the random convos that kept us entertained, dota games which I remained to be myself (at least I bought courier D:) and teaching me a lot of serious and non-serious knowledge.
Fifth, thank you (insert nameS of girls here) for getting to know me. Such as CHINGY who is an awesome leader in a lot of senses, esther who is the girl talk mate and sit-in-the-corner-and-emo-while-writing-melancholic-poems-about-life person, peiwei, jingyi and huimin for fun / random moments and secrets shared during these months.
Lastly, thank yous to many more friends who made my JC1 life in hwa chong memorable and easy-going. I'm very lucky to have met all of you this year. Esp people like wabo whom we have spent days after days together, helped each other and well slacked off during lectures and tutorials.
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To the rest: Happy new year! Hoped that this year has been enjoyable, and next year will be even better (despite A lvls and other bullshit)
Quotes coming up soon. :)

QED? - kanjo

Maybe ..... that feeling will have to extend to next year. :P
Hopefully now I'm a better person than, say, months ago.

2012 (eve)

I decide I shall spend my 2012 eve on msn, instead of going out and party or something. Because I decide to be romantic, hopefully there's people online for me to talk to, about life.
Oh, and all the quotes of this year shall be revealed on the first day of 2012 :D
Shall do some self reflection later.
Enjoy your countdown people.

Flowers

I just learnt that burgundy rose means unconscious beauty.
Was doing ISYF work, when I suddenly 心血来潮 and went to read language of flowers. Seeing the gigantic spam of flowers and their meanings, all the time wondering 'I can't even get my hand on half of them, what's the point.'
Yeah, what's the point? Apart from the basic knowledge that red rose signifies true love and carnations are meant for mother's day, and that you should never give people chrysanthemum, and that forget-me-not obviously means what it's called, I don't really think the rest are as important. It would even be funny if you, after looking through the whole list, finally chose a flower to give to someone, and that someone doesn't even know what flower this is. zomg I actually had a moment of insanity and want to do that. I'm TOO romantic sometimes -.-
Other than that, I supposed the past few days (and convo with people) taught me the love theory. Mmm making love logical sounds weird but it must be so. When one side doesn't know what he or she wants in a relationship, you know the relationship is bound to fail from the start. Other than that, not knowing what the other person wants will also cause the relationship to fail. Hence, melancholy of an unrequited love duh.
I wonder how long my 'melancholy of an unrequited love' will last, it's getting annoying. Maybe giving and not receiving is annoying me, but actually I'm not giving much seeing that I already know I won't receive anything. That's probably a waste of my time, but hey who doesn't want to make himself more huggable?
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Moving on from self-musing, the past week has been very slack. Too slack for my own good. I left almost all the homework at 80% and then decided not to do that 20% until some time later, except for my book reading (the god delusion) and my chem note making, which is at around...less than 50% T.T
Despite giving up on neopets (woots), I am somehow still having low efficiency, starting from waking up at 4 pm for the past 2 days..
Ranting on and on, ok shall start taking action from today onwards!
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Before I leave, bellflower. To whoever it may deem fit.
Oh and lol, I learnt that someone is a Parsee Mizuhashi :P

Christmas

Despite being a non-believer, I still celebrate Christmas to meet up with friends and enjoy the mood.
All I want for Christmas is you. And yup, I did get yous for Christmas eve. Thanks for coming :)
It's interesting to hear you all catching up with each other about life, and watching the movie, and dota. Might not be that fun but I really enjoyed your company haha.
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Miss you? Like real I wont't. :P
And Merry Christmas guys!

冬至

Today is supposedly 冬至, so I decided to buy some 汤圆 while on the way back home. Once again the trip to the supermarket made me realise how little I know about shopping for daily necessities, should spend more time learning about shopping in detail o.o
Today had ISYF amazing race dry-run, which turned out quite bad because a lot of the facilitators did not turn up for it. The teachers in charge were pretty upset, and so were many of the EXCO members. Just read this awesome email by our vice-president about being responsible for ISYF. Awesomely awesome, let's hope she will send a scarier email soon. Ok let's hope not, that would mean more screw-ups for ISYF.
Was thinking about why people sign up for commitments and then ignore them later on. It's like, maybe the end result seem appealing (which is the main reason why people go for so many commitments in the first place), but if you're unable to even keep your role in shape, and do your job responsibly, you're just wasting everyone's time, and depriving another person the chance of being in the group and doing proper work.
Well quoted from someone, the way people in ISYF do things were quite joke to begin with, so all along we are just jokers joking around. Maybe the standard need to be raised so that we can get the proper picture of the whole thing, such as how important it is, before we can do work more efficiently. But then we are just teenagers, we want to enjoy our JC life as well.
To be truthful I only have 4 main commitments for this holiday (what holiday): Centad, ISYF, revision, SAT, so I'm relatively more free (ok fine I'm way more free) than most of the other people I know. That's why I can offer myself to help people do work when their comm members disappear for no reason -.-
Other than that, happy 冬至, enjoy your time with your family, and enjoy your 汤圆 haha.

Experiment

In an attempt to keep this blog alive (ie. keeping my brain alive) I used random word generator to generate nouns for me to blog about. Due to the fact the first word 'theatre' is so-long-never-watch-movie-dun-bother and second word 'spin' is too abstract, I decided to choose the third word 'experiment' to talk about the progress of my centad and other experiments.
Centad is currently at the o.o hahahaha (sheepish laughter) *scratch head* (insert confusion here) stage. Cus we reached a point where the rest is all blur and uncertain, so no idea how to carry on. And zomg need to start writing SSEF research paper blahhhh. As learnt from gc maths centad and science centad is so different. Maths centad = sit down to think about ideas, thought of ideas, finish report in a few hours o.o. But as long as there's no inspiration for ideas it can last for months. Science centad = go back lab every other day to do experiment and ensure that there's some form of results + application so that people will be more interested to learn about it. So now stuck at applications, slowly do...dam going to be christmas soon. Despite being a free-thinker-tending-towards-atheism, christmas can be celebrated not for its religious meanings but for its festive mood.
Other than that, ISYF experiment was ok, except now I'm afraid that it might be too boring for them since some of the experiments were probably done by high school people during sabbaticals. Hopefully they won't get bored :/
Due to the fact that I've not been going out often, there's no 'social experiment' going on. Except that I get to know (the obvious) that to get someone to trust you more you have to show more care and concern. Only thing is I chose to be extra caring only to some people. Also, an interference between 2 different tiers have serious consequences, if you get what I mean.

Philosophy of an insecure person

I have many flaws. One of them is perhaps my insecurity towards things. Even when I have confidence with someone, with something, sometimes I tend to feel as though that feeling of confidence was not backed by enough evidence. Yes, I am a person who needs a source of evidence to prove to me that something exist, before I can believe it. Sorry about that, I've been trying to prove to myself the existence of many, though sometimes the feelings would get back when no one's around.
我就是这样，没有牵挂时过得也不错，一有牵挂就必须得到认可才能够快乐。牵挂总是牵挂，不是轻易能够解除的，也不是轻易就想解除的。最害怕的，是得到信赖的人的拒绝。很傻吧？
On a side note, saying nites to ppl going to sleep has a ... special feeling. Hence, nites :)

thursday night musing

Doing holiday homework for these few days, finished maths holiday revision, moving on to I&I (which is not very enjoyable because of the AQs)
On the other hand, reading this book called 'The God Delusion'. Rather interesting book by Richard Dawkins about why is there no god (and rebutting arguments for why is there god).
mmmm shall think of more stuff to write when I have the brain for it. Other than that I've been dying to go out, otherwise I would lose the interest to do so :/
Ah after thinking for a long time I feel that there are people whom I will always want to be with, and want to protect.
Why do I always get teased for the correct stuff D: