Many a times I feel useless for being unable to do anything.
When people confide to you about their problems, most of the times they hope that you can come up with an effective solution for their problems. When you are unable to, they won't feel angry because not everyone can generate solutions so easily, especially problems with regards to human relationships, but they would be, well, disappointed.
That's why I feel useless, because I can't generate solutions to most problems people tell me, probably because my life is so good that I don't face such problems and so don't have the experience.
"I feel sad for you" is not always the response people want to hear. But, that's probably the few responses I can give.
I want the people I like to like me back, so I always try to help as much as I can, or try to meet up to their expectations. I know that I'm supposed to let people like the real side of me, but the real side of me might not always be likable.
One of my greatest weaknesses is that I fear rejection so much that I refuse to face it. I hide away from it, try to cover it up, pretend it's not there, but slowly and surely rejection seeps in, and I'm left standing there with a smile on my face and a hole in my heart. That's why, I seek emotional support more than anything else. I don't care if you cannot come up with a good solution to my problem, I just need to feel that you will always be by my side when I need it. Problems can be solved some time later.
Quoted from gc "The defining characteristics of fanyi is the lack of logic and common sense." Maybe I am, who knows.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
inspirations
When people complain that they don't have any good posts because they don't have any inspirations, it might be cause they can't seem to draw it from anywhere. And one of these sources of inspiration is other people's blogs. And so if no one posted anything no one will be inclined to post anything new because no one posted anything. Uh yeah.
Hence I shall write something worth talking about, apart from emo things which are not very inspirational.
This post shall talk about the CIP that I had from morning to evening.
Overall it was rather, depressing.
Heavy rain followed by a constant drizzle in the morning, not a very good start for the SL project. The aim of the project was good, helping people with muscular dystrophy. The idea of using basketball to attract teenagers' attention is good as well. Except it all summed up to one factor which is the timing.
Not a very good timing I guess. Where all the seniors are studying for their prelims and A lvls, and these few days always have heavy rain, so the people who came and supported are quite little. It's like, I can only see people from basketball from both hci and nanyang side, and maybe some councilors. The rest of the people are almost non existent. Can be seen when every game stall except the 3 on 3 basketball were empty for almost the entire day, and in the end we had to close the stalls at 3 pm, way earlier than the supposed 6 pm.
Maybe there are other reasons, like lack of advertising, or lack of very attractive methods of drawing people. In the end it's quite a pity to see so little people turning up for the event.
Which brings me to the topic of service learning. With so many different service learning projects targeting so many different groups of people in Singapore, might it cause people to become desentitised to these SL projects? After all one won't be able (or willing) to spend one's money and time on every single SL project, so in order to be selective some SL projects have to be ignored. In that case it's not really the SL project's problem for not being effective, but more of people losing their sympathy towards people of these groups? With so many charity groups, people learn to be selective in which group of people they are going to sympathise with. For example, some may support children with art talents that have financial problems more than say mentally disabled people. In that case, are people getting more discriminative?
I'm not sure about my stand on this issue though. I have always been trying to be nice to everyone, like the sky that accepts everything in it and under it. But I know that it's impossible to treat everyone equally, there is prone to setting of standards, tiers.
I shall not talk about a certain tier system anyways.
Hence I shall write something worth talking about, apart from emo things which are not very inspirational.
This post shall talk about the CIP that I had from morning to evening.
Overall it was rather, depressing.
Heavy rain followed by a constant drizzle in the morning, not a very good start for the SL project. The aim of the project was good, helping people with muscular dystrophy. The idea of using basketball to attract teenagers' attention is good as well. Except it all summed up to one factor which is the timing.
Not a very good timing I guess. Where all the seniors are studying for their prelims and A lvls, and these few days always have heavy rain, so the people who came and supported are quite little. It's like, I can only see people from basketball from both hci and nanyang side, and maybe some councilors. The rest of the people are almost non existent. Can be seen when every game stall except the 3 on 3 basketball were empty for almost the entire day, and in the end we had to close the stalls at 3 pm, way earlier than the supposed 6 pm.
Maybe there are other reasons, like lack of advertising, or lack of very attractive methods of drawing people. In the end it's quite a pity to see so little people turning up for the event.
Which brings me to the topic of service learning. With so many different service learning projects targeting so many different groups of people in Singapore, might it cause people to become desentitised to these SL projects? After all one won't be able (or willing) to spend one's money and time on every single SL project, so in order to be selective some SL projects have to be ignored. In that case it's not really the SL project's problem for not being effective, but more of people losing their sympathy towards people of these groups? With so many charity groups, people learn to be selective in which group of people they are going to sympathise with. For example, some may support children with art talents that have financial problems more than say mentally disabled people. In that case, are people getting more discriminative?
I'm not sure about my stand on this issue though. I have always been trying to be nice to everyone, like the sky that accepts everything in it and under it. But I know that it's impossible to treat everyone equally, there is prone to setting of standards, tiers.
I shall not talk about a certain tier system anyways.
Monday, August 29, 2011
boundary between the innocent and the abandoned
People always say that ignorance is bliss. But I suppose people also don't like being kept in the dark, especially it seemed as though everyone else knows what (insert) means. Uh yeah it's not good to know what it means, but leaving others out from the conversation is indeed, hurting.
So I should just redirect the convo so that everyone can talk. Or maybe a new leader be appointed.
Erms. Operation wat? Oh yeah Operation Feather Dance. Dunno why I come up with that name though. Feather dance is a pokemon attack.
Helping out for Shooting For the Sky. It should be fun, as long as my throat doesn't die all of a sudden and I get fever tmr or something.
So I should just redirect the convo so that everyone can talk. Or maybe a new leader be appointed.
Erms. Operation wat? Oh yeah Operation Feather Dance. Dunno why I come up with that name though. Feather dance is a pokemon attack.
Helping out for Shooting For the Sky. It should be fun, as long as my throat doesn't die all of a sudden and I get fever tmr or something.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
screw this
Is in a super bad mood this week, because of retarded things like econs timed assignment and all other stuff happening all in the same week.
And it's super pissing cus I have not been doing well in nearly everything, freaking everything.
And then more things start to drop down from the sky like dead bodies of birds or something.
Family war again. fk this.
Reached a point where mere ranting solves nothing, I seriously hope thursday will pass away as soon as possible.
I. HATE. THIS. WEEK.
And it's super pissing cus I have not been doing well in nearly everything, freaking everything.
And then more things start to drop down from the sky like dead bodies of birds or something.
Family war again. fk this.
Reached a point where mere ranting solves nothing, I seriously hope thursday will pass away as soon as possible.
I. HATE. THIS. WEEK.
Monday, August 22, 2011
o.o!
It's like why yukari is depicted as so slack, sitting on some strange rip in the sky watching other people do things below her. Or maybe just open one portal and sneak peek at people, she got her magical eyes of laplace anyways.
Hence, it is better to remain as the bemused onlooker and see what will happen as of now.
When yukari finds that something is wrong, she takes action. And usually yukari's actions are ... weird and not understandable by normal youkai / humans.
Hence, it is better to remain as the bemused onlooker and see what will happen as of now.
When yukari finds that something is wrong, she takes action. And usually yukari's actions are ... weird and not understandable by normal youkai / humans.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
change
Time for a bit of reflection again.
Today was fairly surprised when I was told by someone that someone said I've changed.
Well it is definitely true that I did change, in a lot of ways actually.
In secondary school I was kind of an asshole. Well I don't do 'bad' things, but I don't treat anyone seriously, and I'm sort of a loner. It's like in Sec 3 and 4, recess equals to stay in class and eat what I brought, slack, and stone.
Ok that's not really the important part.
It's more of, I've changed in how I treat people. Before JC I was not really a caring kind of person. In some sense I treat everyone nicely, but I don't care much for them. It's like ok, I can help you tank stuff, but I might not be interested in your personal problems.
Moving to JC. It's more of the period of Sec 4 and JC that changed me. Cus there's this certain someone who would scold me if I were not being sincere with people, if I were not being caring enough, if I were not showing my true feelings to people I like. And so I owe the change to this person hehe.
If you feel as though I'm drifting away from you, pls tell me that. Because I tend to lose track of other people if my attention is focused only on a few people. Now instead of treating everyone nicely, I tend to be more tilted towards some people. That's the main change in me.
Hopefully I am treating my friends correctly.
Today was fairly surprised when I was told by someone that someone said I've changed.
Well it is definitely true that I did change, in a lot of ways actually.
In secondary school I was kind of an asshole. Well I don't do 'bad' things, but I don't treat anyone seriously, and I'm sort of a loner. It's like in Sec 3 and 4, recess equals to stay in class and eat what I brought, slack, and stone.
Ok that's not really the important part.
It's more of, I've changed in how I treat people. Before JC I was not really a caring kind of person. In some sense I treat everyone nicely, but I don't care much for them. It's like ok, I can help you tank stuff, but I might not be interested in your personal problems.
Moving to JC. It's more of the period of Sec 4 and JC that changed me. Cus there's this certain someone who would scold me if I were not being sincere with people, if I were not being caring enough, if I were not showing my true feelings to people I like. And so I owe the change to this person hehe.
If you feel as though I'm drifting away from you, pls tell me that. Because I tend to lose track of other people if my attention is focused only on a few people. Now instead of treating everyone nicely, I tend to be more tilted towards some people. That's the main change in me.
Hopefully I am treating my friends correctly.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
sense of love
Yup, different sense of love.
No longer romantic love, but somewhere between friends and lovers.
That's the ideal probably for a long time.
No longer romantic love, but somewhere between friends and lovers.
That's the ideal probably for a long time.
Monday, August 15, 2011
eyes
This brings in UNL reference. Though I doubt anyone actually knows what I'm talking about in UNL -.-
Anyways, in UNL there's this character called Yukari, who basically wears some very European clothes holding a large parasol. She has a 4 carder called 'Magic Eye - The Magic Eye of Laplace'. The name is actually quite interesting lol, random trivia: I got many of my random knowledge from games as well, cus when I see an interesting name I would wiki it.
What this card does is that Yukari opens 12 gaps that reveals demonic eyes which track the enemy's every move, and shoots laser when the enemy gets into hitstun (ie. cannot move due to being hit, block not counted). Quite cool actually, you cover the entire screen with eyes and all of them fire when the opponent gets hit for 3k+ damage.
Point being, there are eyes everywhere. People can see your every action, whether intentional or not. It's a matter of time before a lot of people know what you are up to, and even if nobody says anything, everyone gets the feeling.
It's not to discourage you from doing anything of course, all actions are based on freedom of choice. Just that, be careful, I don't want to see anyone get hurt or anything. Hypothetically.
But other than that, of course we love doing whatever we love to do. hahaha.
Anyways, in UNL there's this character called Yukari, who basically wears some very European clothes holding a large parasol. She has a 4 carder called 'Magic Eye - The Magic Eye of Laplace'. The name is actually quite interesting lol, random trivia: I got many of my random knowledge from games as well, cus when I see an interesting name I would wiki it.
What this card does is that Yukari opens 12 gaps that reveals demonic eyes which track the enemy's every move, and shoots laser when the enemy gets into hitstun (ie. cannot move due to being hit, block not counted). Quite cool actually, you cover the entire screen with eyes and all of them fire when the opponent gets hit for 3k+ damage.
Point being, there are eyes everywhere. People can see your every action, whether intentional or not. It's a matter of time before a lot of people know what you are up to, and even if nobody says anything, everyone gets the feeling.
It's not to discourage you from doing anything of course, all actions are based on freedom of choice. Just that, be careful, I don't want to see anyone get hurt or anything. Hypothetically.
But other than that, of course we love doing whatever we love to do. hahaha.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
one third
Most people should have noticed by now, that I'm not really integrated into the class. Not integrated in the sense that I don't stick to my class very closely.
Just by counting the lectures you can get a rough gauge as to how often I am with my class during school. Chem, bio, maths, econs lectures. I will be far far away with other friends.
One of the reasons why I'm not yet killed for doing so is probably cus I still participate in almost all the class activities, and am very enthu with all the activities as well.
The only thing is, I am probably not particularly close to anyone in my class, well at least as compared to some others haha. It's kind of 'no way around it' for me, cus I prefer strengthening existing covalent bonds as compared to forming more covalent bonds.
So while I'm guilty of abandoning my class for other classes (hence I'm one third 7D, one third 7B and one third 7F), I can't really do much about it. Some covalent bonds are stronger than the rest. I can't multitask, so that's that.
Just by counting the lectures you can get a rough gauge as to how often I am with my class during school. Chem, bio, maths, econs lectures. I will be far far away with other friends.
One of the reasons why I'm not yet killed for doing so is probably cus I still participate in almost all the class activities, and am very enthu with all the activities as well.
The only thing is, I am probably not particularly close to anyone in my class, well at least as compared to some others haha. It's kind of 'no way around it' for me, cus I prefer strengthening existing covalent bonds as compared to forming more covalent bonds.
So while I'm guilty of abandoning my class for other classes (hence I'm one third 7D, one third 7B and one third 7F), I can't really do much about it. Some covalent bonds are stronger than the rest. I can't multitask, so that's that.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Class
Recently read some posts on other people's blogs about their class. The usual stuff to be said about a class: how bonded it is.
Well to a certain extent it's almost impossible to have a class that is perfectly bonded, because of different people within the class, hence different personalities, different preferences, difficult to find a common interest. And sometimes it is essential to have one or more catalysts to help bring everyone together.
As much as I would say proudly that my class is the most bonded among all the SMTP classes, it is also unavoidable that specific groups still form, but at least less severe compared to other classes, for people still tend to mix. For example looking at the class during chemistry lessons (only lesson involving everyone), the class is separated to a few tables: the PRC guys, the joshua group, the PRC girls and the rest of the girls, the Kerry group, the rest of the quiet people. This groups are kind of set, so there's no point trying to regroup. No harm caused with existence of these groups anyways.
Perhaps the reason why my class can bond well is because even though there are groups, people still mix after lessons, like going to canteen to eat together (for most girls and some guys), play basketball (many guys), other stuff like bridge and monodeal. So yeah, there are actually quite some common interests among people in my class.
Oh, and cus our ct and a ct rep kerry and chingy are awesomely awesome, hence catalysing bond formation. Yay.
So maybe for other classes, it's possible that they don't have a strong catalyst, they did not find common interests to help them bond, or many are just not bothered, which in that case requires the CT to come solve the problem. Hopefully the problem can be solved, cus in the end everyone are in the same class, it's better to be more than just a group of people under a series of numbers and alphabets coming together just to study.
Well to a certain extent it's almost impossible to have a class that is perfectly bonded, because of different people within the class, hence different personalities, different preferences, difficult to find a common interest. And sometimes it is essential to have one or more catalysts to help bring everyone together.
As much as I would say proudly that my class is the most bonded among all the SMTP classes, it is also unavoidable that specific groups still form, but at least less severe compared to other classes, for people still tend to mix. For example looking at the class during chemistry lessons (only lesson involving everyone), the class is separated to a few tables: the PRC guys, the joshua group, the PRC girls and the rest of the girls, the Kerry group, the rest of the quiet people. This groups are kind of set, so there's no point trying to regroup. No harm caused with existence of these groups anyways.
Perhaps the reason why my class can bond well is because even though there are groups, people still mix after lessons, like going to canteen to eat together (for most girls and some guys), play basketball (many guys), other stuff like bridge and monodeal. So yeah, there are actually quite some common interests among people in my class.
Oh, and cus our ct and a ct rep kerry and chingy are awesomely awesome, hence catalysing bond formation. Yay.
So maybe for other classes, it's possible that they don't have a strong catalyst, they did not find common interests to help them bond, or many are just not bothered, which in that case requires the CT to come solve the problem. Hopefully the problem can be solved, cus in the end everyone are in the same class, it's better to be more than just a group of people under a series of numbers and alphabets coming together just to study.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
mug
Shall start hardcore chem already. It seems that my 'edge' in sec 4 has already reached its limit, and now I'm on par or below many people. Time to get back that edge.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
QED - kanjo
This shall be the final post tagged kanjo.
.
I have finally lost it, because what is important is your happiness, and the overall friendship. Thanks, and jiayou with life.
.
.
I have finally lost it, because what is important is your happiness, and the overall friendship. Thanks, and jiayou with life.
.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
version 1.30
badminton, sweaty, partially see-through rofl. actually all three partially see-through. haiz low quality uniform.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Time management part 2
Today's chem seems ok..(I will get brutally murdered by saying that but oh well), I guessed 2 MCQ questions correctly. (once again chop chop) And hence now I know I lost 1 mark. (oh no I sense killing intent behind me, oh that's my mom lololol)
Anyways, finished a mini-war with my parents over my time management again. So now I decide I'm going to set my work + study time to play time ratio, which is 13:8 (optimum), which is coincidentally approximately equal to the golden ratio.
The plan shall be as follows
(work | study | play, where play = any time spent on com)
Monday: 1 | 1 | 1
Tuesday: 4 | 2 | 2
Wednesday: 2 | 2 | 2
Thursday: 2 | 2 | 2
Friday: 0 | 0 | 4
Something like that, which means that I would only be seen on msn from 11 - 12 or 10 - 12. Quite late but can't help it, need to maintain golden ratio.
nites ppl.
those want free chem tuition can find me yay (continues advertising)
Anyways, finished a mini-war with my parents over my time management again. So now I decide I'm going to set my work + study time to play time ratio, which is 13:8 (optimum), which is coincidentally approximately equal to the golden ratio.
The plan shall be as follows
(work | study | play, where play = any time spent on com)
Monday: 1 | 1 | 1
Tuesday: 4 | 2 | 2
Wednesday: 2 | 2 | 2
Thursday: 2 | 2 | 2
Friday: 0 | 0 | 4
Something like that, which means that I would only be seen on msn from 11 - 12 or 10 - 12. Quite late but can't help it, need to maintain golden ratio.
nites ppl.
those want free chem tuition can find me yay (continues advertising)
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