care

When I see you online: yay you're finally home.
When I see you go offline: yay finally you can go and sleep.

There is a difference between zen and giving up.
I think I may have walked into the worse zone of the two.

情人。结

Woah I made such a pro looking title for the post.
Anyways today is Valentine's / Friendship Day. Happy day to all :)
Spent a whooping budget on the purchase of chocolate lololol. One of the few occasions when I decide to bleed my savings to death I guess.
Let's see if you can read me properly or not.
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What about fanyi
'you're so nice.' 'so nice.' 'fanyi so nice.' 'wah so nice.' 'so nice.'

ha ha

nostalgia

Saw the ISYF photos uploaded on facebook (again).
Suddenly all the memories came flushing back. Ah those times when everything you do, you know what you're doing it for, who you're doing it for, and how much effort you will put in and the result you expect to get. The times when things are stress-free, or perhaps relatively stress-free. I don't mind going through ISYF all over again just for that one week of enjoyment :)
But I guess everything has to come to an end, especially after the ISYF AAR last Saturday.
.
I hate to have to see the ending. I hate to have to come to a full stop. Why can't the world just be full of commas, instead of heartless full stops dotted over the place, to show that everything stops at some point and a new chapter will begin.
I would like a chapter to go on forever, and yet a new chapter can begin. Such greed.

Wait

I feel happy and worried for you.
If waiting is all it needs, it should last.
If it was a mere facade, what will happen then?
Life is funny, how then, shall I wander about, and manipulate the subconscious?
.
My wallet lies with blood all around it, as I ruthlessly bled away $40++ on something made from cocoa sugar and fats. Shall start writing letters later :)
Doubt I would receive anything in return, but I know there are always other ways of reciprocation.

Irony of a dative bond

The greater the happiness, the greater the hurt.
The atom experiences irrational happiness around the atom that it is forming a dative bond with.
The atom experiences extreme insecurity as though the dative bond will be broken at any time and the other atom will just bond with a more electronegative one.
It is NOT good when you are residing in the emo zone for no reason, and it really really hurts to remain in the emo zone because you could do nothing.
On a separate matter, I just got another random bruise on my leg -.-
I sort of disallowed to go out for anything non-compulsory from now on so that I can focus on my A levels better. That's ... sad. Nvm at least I can still give chem tuition :)

The cycle

It's as though the cycle of one's life is repeating itself again. Or maybe it's just the vicious cycle of one year that moved on the the next year.
If one is able to transfer one's time to another, I would willingly transfer my time spent on stoning to other people so that they can have perhaps extra 2 hours of sleep?
But other than that, what can a non medic do when he sees a person lying injured on the floor half dead and half dying? Call the ambulance? Assure him that he is going to survive? Run away? Cry? Reminds me of how some dramas show relatives of this torture victim getting tortured before their eyes and they can only watch.
Alternatively, I should find something that I can do, although it almost seems like some forms of 'help' are auto-rejected to be useless.
Why do we do things? Logically it's for self benefits. Twist the reason however you like and it's still self benefit to some extent. In that case do you want me to say it's 你自找的? Of course not, because we know it's inevitable, and there's already enough pressure at the moment.
There should be a way that allows a person to just vanish from the society for a while and come back later. Maybe it's called self-delusional bubble.

Koishi

I remembered some time ago I talked about Satori. Koishi (古明地 恋) is her younger sister. She sort of escaped the fate of being feared by everyone for her mind reading ability by sealing off her 3rd eye, only to gain the ability to manipulate the subconscious. Btw her spell cards are based on psychology and some biology. Hence I suspect she majors in psychology and minors in biology is university trololol.

And here is her picture! The Closed Eyes of Love! (Let's hope I don't get sued for posting a copyrightable picture)

Recently fall in love with her theme, cus of it's chaotic nature. Flandre's theme is chaotic but it does not give the adrenaline rush which Koishi's theme does. So now I frequently listen to Hartmann's Youkai Girl to stay awake.

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It's interesting, manipulation of the subconscious. I think some people are actually capable of that, through certain words and actions provoke others to reveal their true nature, or at least part of it. With such ability I guess you get to know people more without them realising. So basically you read mind without them knowing that you can, assuming everything is subconscious.

I have poor control of my Id. My Superego comes into play randomly (such as at night before I sleep, alternatively Id can do that as well). My Ego is coping badly in balancing Id and Superego. It's like either one of them would go into hiding while the other one is out. Alternatively when they wage full-scale war you would see me randoming.

Trying to be a Koishi. I wonder how she suppressed her own Id, Ego and Superego. Or maybe she just doesn't care anymore.

nites ppl.

bruise

I am very annoyed that I get bruises so easily. The bruise part is ok except that my mom would start thinking of weird theories such as I lack iron or I have low platelet count and start feeding me random food such as honey and iron pills.
The nice thing about bruising is that a few days after the bruise developed pressing it feels so gooooood. :P

self-provoked tearing

Watching touching videos to encourage my eyes to water more. Such masochistic tendencies haha.
Sometimes it's not good to be lucky enough to not have anything that make you cry, or numb enough to not cry easily. Because after some time you slowly lose the ability to cry out loud. Hence self-provocation is sometimes good.