Satori

I tend to find things to learn from regardless of what game I play. That's one of the ways how I generate random knowledge anyways.
So Satori is a youkai in touhou 11 subterranean animism, who lived in an underground mansion with her pets and a lot of spirits.

Anyways here's a picture of what she looks like. Now before you ask questions like 'WHY IS THERE AN EYE AT HER HEART' or 'what are the funny strings around her body', I shall do the explaining.
Satori is a satori (lol), if you search on wikipedia a satori (觉) is a creature in Japanese folklore that has the ability to read human thoughts. So in the game it's actually quite boring cus she would just copy spellcards of people you've fought before (except it's noober and actually have blind spots, yukari ftw).
Other than that, people might wonder 'zomg mind reading so cool so powerful.'
That is exactly what I want to talk about, mind reading. Or put in a more realistic term, the skill to read people's personality and understand their motives in doing things. To tell the truth if there's such an ability as mind reading it would be absolute bullshit, and absolute low tier.
At a first glance mind reading seems to be very useful. You get to know what others are thinking, thus you are able to receive direct information as to their inner world and act according to what suits the situation the best. However, sooner or later you would find yourself to be hated and feared by everyone, despite (sometimes) not doing anything wrong. The thing about humans is that they tend to be insecure, and that they always have something in them that they want to hide. If there is a person who is able to read these things that people want to hide, even if it is unintentional, out of kindness, completely harmless, people will feel insecure, bare.
Put this into the real world, there are people around who have very keen reading abilities, so they tend to grasp people's personalities and how they act very easily. These people tend to utilise their skills in achieving what they want to achieve, they become what other people called 'a manipulator'. Ah he would get avoided as much as possible, but would still get some people who are forced to work with (or for) him. Main thing is it's hard to make friends that way.
Hence poor Satori lived underground with almost no friends except her pets and her younger sister. And btw she uses her eye to read people's thoughts so that explains the weird eye.

我又没有很想你

Just found this on the web, so epic and so 一针见血. Maybe it happens to a lot of people.
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我又没有很想你，
我只是在早上醒来的时候，看看手机，有没有你发来的信息，有没有你的未接电话。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在开电脑的时候，第一个跑去你的Facebook，看看你今天是不是有更新。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在聊天的时候，打开你的对话框，看着你的头像，或者重温一下以前的记录。

我又没有很想你，
我只是把你的来电调成唯一的铃声，放在我身边，并时不时的看看是否自动关机，是否信号良好。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在和朋友的聊天中，不厌其烦的提起你，讲那些也许他们早已烂熟于心的事情。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在吃小吃的时候，想如果你能和我一起吃，那该是多幸福的事。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在听歌的时候，偶尔会被某句歌词击中，脑中出现短暂的空白。

我又没有很想你，
我只是想看看你的样子，听听你的声音。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在别人无意提起你时，愣在那里，不知道答话。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在睡前紧握着手机，等待着你的情话。

我又没有很想你，
我只是睡不着的时候，想想你，但是，我不知道，我是因为睡不着而想你，还是因为想你而睡不着。

我又没有很想你，
我只是在每次醒来的时候，第一个想到你……

我又没有很想你，
那你呢？

If not for that 4th last paragraph this whole chunk of words can be the perfect symptom of being in love. Alternatively for people having a crush also can. So sappy hopeless romantic bleeding heart perfect (other half). Yes esther I'm addicted to that phrase LOL. :P

Ten

Whenever I write something abstract, I always find some kind of link to my real life. Whether it is my personal experience, or what I see happened to others, it all can be included into an abstract writing, because no one can be really sure of who I am referring.

Ten Little Soldiers

Ten little soldiers went out to dine

One left for his favourite drink and then there were nine.

Nine little soldiers going home late

One stayed to watch a match and then there were eight

Eight little soldiers thinking of their talent

One overslept himself and then there were seven

Seven little soldiers loading away bricks

One overworked himself and then there were six

Six little soldiers trying to stay alive

One ate too many sweets and then there were five

Five little soldiers feeling so small

One distanced himself and then there were four

Four little soldiers keeping themselves free

One got trapped in the church and then there were three

Three little soldiers have nothing to lose

One got lost in the maze of love and then there were two

Two little soldiers sitting side by side

The wind blew one away and then there was one

One little soldier sitting all alone

He followed where his heart went and then will there be none?

Nvm you can assume that I'm rubbishing around. Actually I don't even get what I'm writing o.o blah I'm not used to writing english poetry at all.

holiday plan

You want me to set a holiday plan? Fine. You always think that if I don't do any extra mugging I would fail all my subjects next year? Fine. You think that my centad is basically a waste of time? Fine.
So here is my holiday plan.
29/11 - maths integration, vectors
30/11 - isyf dry run, centad - watermelon peel
1/12 - centad - sunscreen, chem planning exercise (2)
2/12 - maths sequences and series, binomial, maclaurins
3/12 - noel
4/12 - i&i 1, 5, 6.
5/12 - centad - dunno what to do, research first
6/12 - centad - refer to above
7/12 - i&i 8, 10, 12
8/12 - badminton with gc
9/12 - i&i 14, 15, 16
10/12 - ssrc investiture
11/12 - i&i 17, 18
12/12 - bio bacteria tutorial
13/12 onwards - mug econs, mug bio, mug chem, mug maths. include slots for outings.
.
If you want me to set a holiday plan, and follow it, and disallow me to play com from monday to thursday, and want me to revise all my topics this year, fine. You will definitely see my negative feedback.
Seriously, what holidays?
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it's times like this when i wan to talk to you..

regarding chemo (again)

This shall be the second last post regarding chemo (the last post comes when the results for chemo comes out).
First of all guys / girls, I'm not (that) emo anymore! Thanks for your concern these few days. I shall now tell you a story about what is fanyi thinking throughout this while.
After taking chemo round 1, he had this strong feeling that he cannot make it for round 2, because of the sheer amount of physical chem that came out and how unprepared he was. Hence he decided to joke around about his 人品 which seemed to have gotten the discussed questions correctly. Then he decided to go back to school to find his centad mate and other people instead of stoning at home and sleep.
Throughout the few days he was hoping that he could actually get into round 2, and thus made the vow to bang his head against the wall if he did. But of course, no matter how 人品 you are you can't just rubbish past round 1, and hence he did not get into round 2, although he might call it 人品 to know the result before everyone else because he bumped into Dr Tan on his way home and thus had time to think what to do next.
He knew that by the time he reached home most of the chemo people would have known the result already, so as a form of consoling himself, he decided to stone in front of the com and see how many people would come and comfort him about chemo.
And yup, the sms did came, and so did people ask if he's ok on msn. Yes, he had predicted correctly the people as well, and yes, he decided that it's useless to emo over something that was already over. Thus he decided to have good sportsmanship and loaned his 人品 to gc who qualified for round 2, and of course wished that the 人品 did help.
And then he went out for all the outings and stuff to make himself feel better, and resolve to work hard by doing his holiday homework + do centad properly and read books. And he needs a negative feedback of hugs which was not possible for outings obviously. rawr stupid.
.
Anyways that summarised what happened for the past week.
Thank you my friends for your comfort after chemo (insert glass breaking sound here): (in chronological order)
chingy, jingyi, gc, domi, wabo, esther, rayray, thamsy, baoxian.
Nah I won't die or undergo random transformations so no worries. Btw baoxian u dun need to feel guilty or anything la, it proves that you have good practice and skills for chemo :)
ps. I learnt how to shuffle woots. Maybe by next year body wave and shuffling would become my trademark o.o

Class outing

4S1 2010!
Had dinner with our maths teacher Mr Lee, who was my maths teacher for 2 years. He's going off to New Zealand for quite a long time, so enjoy your trip Mr Lee! You are my awesome maths teacher who add humour to class life.
It's a rare opportunity that many of our classmates can get together for outing again. One main reason is probably because the class is not very bonded during the sec 3 and 4 years, hence there's not anyone who bothers to organise a class activity when he feels that probably quite a number of people are not going.
Well maybe JC life had some kind of change on us, made us more open? I can still see groups of people forming together during the dinner, but I guess the early sitting sort of forced them to sit with the rest of the classmates.
Hmm, seems that I'm a rather greedy person. Keep having this feeling that I haven't spent enough time with my friends, then somehow they are all rather busy. Haiz see how bah, everyone should be freer after uh, 20? dam that's like almost christamas already then not free again zzzzzzzz. NVM I SHALL FIND TIME.
For me, one good way to see if I have a crush for someone is when that person's name is mentioned, my heart gets an instant jolt.

feeling

I can feel it. If I put in enough effort, and if you have positive response, we can get very close.
Time to reduce the stretched distance caused by 2 years of stupidity.

melancholy of an unrequited love

藕断丝连。
拉得特别长，可是还是没断。就算被拉得很久，可能风吹雨打，可能会断几根，不过大多数的丝依然牢牢地把两根藕连在一起。
好神奇哦。

legacy of a chem 'god'?

Most people should already know with all the announcing on facebook.
Chemo round 1 result was out, as expected I did not get into round 2. Although I say as expected, it's still rather depressing when facing the reality. I would say the emo-ness comes in waves, depending on how my emotions go the waves can be strong or weak, see how long it takes for it to go off bah. Hope I can at least get a bronze.
It's comforting to read the sms from you and you, telling me not to be sad for chemo. Maybe the rest of the people think I'm still in emo stage and would snap if anything was mentioned, and that if it was mentioned afterwards it would reopen the wounds.
And to rayray, jiayou for your see^2 for the next two days. You look ... worse than usual I guess.

What is a friend?

Based on a real event: (shared by my dad from the net)
One night a man received a phone call from one of his friend. This friend is only considered as a normal friend, not especially a close one, so the man was surprised when his friend asked if he could lend him $100,000 which he would return one month later.
The man wanted to refuse, considering that he doesn't really treat this friend of his as close, so he's not too sure about loaning such a big sum of money to him. However, upon thinking that since this friend would call him to ask him for this loan, it would mean he has deep enough trust in him.
So after saying he would need a few minutes to think, he called back and agreed to the loan.
One month later, the friend really returned the $100,000 and thanked him for his goodwill. Out of curiosity, the man asked, "I don't really treat you as a close friend, why have you thought of asking me for the loan?"
The friend answered, "You are not the first person that I asked. I have called 9 other people in descending order of how close I see them as, from the one whom I thought was my closest friend until the ninth, and all of them refused. You are the tenth person that I've contacted."
The man was surprised by this answer. He then followed this friend's example and called or messaged his closest friends and asked for a loan of $100,000 (a sum he was sure that they have but will be a rather large sum of money) and will return in a month. He also called according to how close his friends are to him, and the first ten refused him again. Most of the replies include tight with money, need to save money for child's university fees, just lent to someone else.
.
.
The obvious moral of the story is "don't put people who only know how to have fun with you, or work together to solve small problems with you, as your close friends. True friends are the one who have great trust in your responsibility, and are always willing to help."
However, it is of course sensible to argue that 1. closeness of friendship is not only dependent on whether they would lend you a large sum of money in times of need 2. some of your friends may really have their own problems at the moment.
What my dad wanted to say would probably be that it is still a measure of how close someone feels towards you, because by agreeing to lending the large sum of money to you (and assuming this large sum is considered large to the friend himself as well) when they heard that you need help financially, they trust that you are and will be responsible with this sum of money, that you really need help, and that by lending you the sum of money they are helping the best they can (otherwise you would have said otherwise).
My mom's argument is that lending money is not the only measure of friendship, and that friends should be open with what problems they have before they ask for help (in the story this friend did not clearly state why he need the money for). (we ignore other stuff such as fear of phone scams etc that makes the topic digress)
I would probably agree with my dad more, but I guess my mom's point of view is necessary in order to ensure survival in this world. Haiz, why can't the world be less complicated so that I can enjoy being a nice guy (not that I don't but thinking about my future I think being a nice guy would require 人品 in order to survive)

evolve

You decided to evolve to be a different person. For that tens of minutes I feel as though you just killed a part of you and replaced it with a new version of yourself, like losing a part of you.
Maybe I would have cried if I could, but I guess that's just part of my selfish desire, and it's your way to make yourself happy :)
So yeah, jy with your way of improvement, shall see (or is it feel?) the change that's going to come. But other than that, still close friends yeah? Haha I would probably change a way of treating you, but that depends on how much change I see in you first.

scho made me realised how noob I am

The questions are 80% physical chem. Organic chem was fairly simple but seriously 80% physical chem is abit the anti-fanyi.
As I betted with gc, if I get into round 2 I shall 撞墙. Shows how hopeless / desperate I feel.
My emo at my failure does not come in sharp peaks like mountain, but slow expanding waves like water. Wave after wave, maybe the busy next week can ease it.
Needs someone to hug now >.<

the day before chemo and I suddenly need someone to comfort me :(
Gonna fail tmr wahhhhh.

JIAYOU FOR CHEMO TMR PPL.
*goes off mugging*

banana

My aunt used to joke that my grandma dunno how to enjoy life. She gave this interesting analogy: My grandma buys bananas, and in a bunch of bananas there's always the unripe ones, the ripe ones and the overripe ones. So my grandma would always eat the overripe ones because if you don't eat them they would become rotten right? But as she is eating the overripe ones, the ripe ones started to turn overripe and the unripe ones start to ripen. And by the time she finished the overripe bananas, the once ripe bananas are now overripe, and she has to eat the new overripe bananas again. The cycle continues and she came to realise that she's always eating overripe bananas.
What's the moral of the story? Sometimes we focus too much on resolving bullshit problems that suddenly came out from nowhere to ninja you, that we forgot to appreciate all the enjoyable events that's happening at the same time. And when you finished with dealing the previous problems there will always be new problems that somehow arrive, so sometimes you find yourself always occupied with rubbish. And the more you spend your time and effort in resolving these problems, the less time you have to enjoy other things.
Life is not all about overripe bananas you know. Sometimes, you need to let some overripe bananas rot so you have time to enjoy the ripe ones.
But ah well, I've been eating too many ripe bananas that the rotten ones are going back to kill me. Oh no.
MUG CHEMO MUG CHEMO MUG CHEMO MUG CHEMO MUG CHEMO NUUUUU IM ONLY AT ALKYL HALIDES I STILL NEED TO MUG PHYSICAL CHEM IM GOING TO DIE D:

reading message history and laughing at how cute we were haha. :P

men talk

Enjoyed spending that 1.5 hours talking although the topic is not really fun and enjoyable.
Anyways the mass convo made me realise how 1. I am lucky 2. I have no secrets 3. I am pro (to a certain extend) 4. Other people are relatively more aggressive than me (barring domi)
Most of the stuff that was discussed I already had some kind of understanding beforehand, except it was not blatantly put across. Well at least now I know that many of us thought the same way about specific group of people, and that I'm not the only one with the 'not so nice' thoughts about people sometimes. Everyone else can be skeptical.
Kind of liked this mass convo, although it was not fun and laughter throughout, the feeling that we get to share with each other about some of our private thoughts was nice.
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Awww you mean if I confessed to you in person you would hug me? 早知如此 rofl. ah nvm randoming around.

fear

I feel as though there's a lack of mutual care between us. Yeah I know it was over long long time ago, but you know I still want to be someone more than a friend and less than a lover.
Maybe I'm over-thinking.
Oh, don't overwork yourself. Looks as though you went to sleep the moment you reach home or something lol.

bday

Happy birthday rayray!
You should give yourself a birthday gift by sleeping early today or something lololol.
Nvm the rest of the stuff can be said to you face-to-face / msn