Leaving

By today my leaving countdown has reached single digit. Yesterday sent esther off, which was not that bad because I would technically be seeing her off in one and a half week. With 8 days left things are starting to sink in as to how long I would be away from all these people in Singapore and fly off to a foreign land to sort of start anew.
Many of my friends are starting to have new commitments, while I'm just here wondering whether I should start packing my luggage. The thing that worries me is that I never seem to know what those commitments are, and slowly the commitments would become a part of my friends' everyday lives. It scares me that I would just drift away from them and yet things would seem natural. One friend who already flew to the US for uni told me that she worried about these things also, until uni life starts to set in and she doesn't even have time to worry about all these anymore. And then you would have to force yourself to choose among your friends, who you would communicate with more, who you would have to talk to less because there's just not enough time. And what worries me the most is when both sides feel that it is inevitable for friendships to be lost, and then it would really become inevitable.
On the day of my departure, I imagined myself walking calmly past the security and glancing one last time back, before moving to the passport check. And then I would break down and cry.
Except no, I can't cry.