Sunday, May 20, 2012

Who am I?

Based on the 9 types personality test, I'm the kind of person who is very aware of myself. Hence even if I hide things from other people, I can't hide it from myself, and I am clear why I do certain things and why I don't do certain things.
And so based on my own consciousness (and assuming that my subconscious did not try to hide away anything yet), I am very sure that I give in too easily to other people's opinion of me. I am very conscious about how I appear to be before other people, and hence I take in whatever kind of comments they have about me. Some told me to be true to myself, some told me to man up, some told me to be nice to people. I changed myself according to what other people want from me, and what I think other people want from me.
Am I really true to others, no exactly. From every comment, I took what I think is important, and adjusted it so that I still feel comfortable with myself.
That's why I can be high, I can be bitch, I can be nonsensical, I can be serious. But who I truly am? It's a very complicated question.
I believe that I'm quieter than I appear to be.
I believe that I'm shyer than I appear to be.
I believe that I'm nicer than I appear to be. (there has been a decrease in level of niceness)
I believe that I'm more emotional, and more emotionless, than I appear to be.
I believe that I care more and care less than I appear to be.
But perhaps most people won't be able to see such a side of me. They only see the mask that I chose to wear, the personality that is altered based on my own perception of how other people want from me.
Who can see beneath the mask? Some. Either I took it off for them, or they took it off for me.

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