Why I think I am a lousy friend

I think I wrote some similar things about this in short sentences in my diary. I guess it is time to write a bit of it and post it online.
What happened today was, my mom took out my ang baos and decided to save all the money into my bank account. And so when she started counting, she realised that 5 ang baos were empty. (looks at Valentine's Day)
Was reprimanded for my free-style spending. She sort of reached the conclusion that my friends are more or less superficial.
Untrue. I know how they are to me and how I am to them.
But she just asked this question: How many people gave you something for Valentines.
I did not count.
And then she continued to ask about how many birthday presents I have received last year.
oh no.
And yet why did I spend so much on gifts? On treating people?
That made me a lousy friend. I am unable to convince others that I'm actually good friends with many people. People do not see a tangible form of reciprocation, then they question the existence of such a thing.
Maybe because I tend to overwhelm people. But I want to be treated like a friend, not a probable servant. I hope that people know that I'm NOT an anything-also-can-anything-also-give person.
There is one major thing that affects how I think, and there is one major thing that affects how I work.
One is called doubt, the other is called guilt.
Sleep in insecurity then.