Stab

I just got another random bruise wtf -.-
Anyways, these few days are for intense and intensive mugging. Shall reserve the whole of Thursday on mugging chemistry. Hopefully the my supposed 'tutees' are doing fine.
I remember last March holidays was rather life-changing for me, events happened and bonds were broken and reformed. While this holidays everything was just spent on mugging ... As of now I shall consider this as an unavoidable part of JC2 life, which gets worse as days go by and everyone starts preparing for the A levels.
Just realised that my chemo CD contains Clayden as well as Jerry. (*drools rainbow) Kind of late to start reading them again haiz.
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I shall actually say something more than just randomness.
I'm starting to believe that everyone has a private square of some sort. They only differ in terms of how obvious this square is, and how the person treats people outside the square.
Treating people outside the private square can differ. I've seen people making everyone seem welcome, I've seen people ignoring people outside the square, I've seen people rejecting people outside the square. I probably belong somewhere along the 2nd and 3rd group. Don't get me wrong, I'm still open to people, but it seems very hard for any single person to make it into my private square now, as though the atom cannot allow for expanded octet if you put it in a way. There IS a difference between a normal friend and a close friend.
Thing is I put most of my time and effort on a small group of people. In return I put all my emotional attachment onto this group of people as well. Breaking any single of them is equated to breaking a part of myself. They are kept very strongly, and very selfishly, and very selflessly.
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Oh and just recently one of my tutors talked a bit of outside the lesson stories. It's some information that throughout the tutor's teaching career in HC, there's been quite a number of cases where an alumnus (I assume anyone who already graduated is considered as an alumnus?) took their life for seemingly no reason. It's disturbing if not thought-provoking, to imagine someone appearing to live life normally, and suddenly jumped down or something, and people around him or her would be wondering why for the rest of their lives. Apart from showing how delicate human life is, it also kind of says how unobservant people are, or maybe or dis/mistrusting these people who took their lives were.
I don't really see a point in suicide, because usually problems can be solved. The only logical reason (which seems illogical), is that there's nothing else in life that the person can find attachment to. Probably that's the only reason good enough for one to take his or her own life. Imagine if you have no one or nothing to live for, and you can't find a reason to live for yourself, life would seem, dead. That's the only reason that would drive a normal person to suicide perhaps.
Well the 'good' thing is, I would never do anything as stupid. I love life too much to lose it for whatever reason or lack of reason there is. I love all my possessions, I love all the people whom I know. I love my family and friends. I love my attachments. As long as they remain with me, I will not leave. Which also explains why I fear death. (But I suppose as you grow older you start to 看得开 since you have less and less attachments available)
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Ah well, forgive me for my abrupt ending. Going to sleep and wake up to mug later. Nites people :)