inferiority complex = random crapping

多多少少也应该有了。总而言之就是觉得自己没有别人好。
可以说是很早就已经感觉到了，主要是因为自己做事所花费的心思不多。（而且也不打算花费太多，看情况吧。）
不过这不只反映在学业上，在日常生活中与人相处时有时也会想到。（当然不能说出来否则太emo了）
因为这样所以自己疑心太重，或者对事情的成功率有明显的轻视。因为太害怕失去所以舍不得放弃，仿佛和自卑心理产生了矛盾一样。
Ok back to english, in case ppl who prefer not to read chinese get emo or something :)
On a side note, ray ray (ie. an attempted attempt to find a new and original nickname for ray yan) is going silicon valley soon. So this paragraph is dedicated to him to enjoy his trip, manage to get more than 5 hours of sleep, and get a lot more experiences from overseas. I don't think they sell graphite rods at silicon valley so nvm ;)
Moving on, X-man origin was epic. It's sad to say that I probably agree with magneto's way of thinking more than xavier. (xavier is too optimistic omg. HOW CAN THERE STILL BE SUCH OPTIMISTIC PPL IN THE WORLD??) But if there's really an outbreak of human vs mutants war, (metaphorically u can say its common ppl vs elites war?) I would probably fall into the human camp. Some people may be willing to accept the mutants as their future leaders, or manage to interact peacefully with them, but human pride is a very strong thing. And so if I'm an ordinary human I would be unwilling to accept them, pride? envy? perhaps so.
Which is why I try to maintain that 'fanyi is chem god' impression of me, (but seriously arh, good frens of mine all noe my chem is fail one lols. ok maybe not that fail fail but the fail, if you get what I mean.) because it's one of the few things which I cling on tightly to. And ironically while saying this I'm still slacking off chem o lololol, bleh is going to die for organic chem, again. -.-
As you can see my thoughts not neatly arranged at all, and not 100% serious with what I say, front part talking about human pride then suddenly start ranting about how much I'm slacking off chem o. That is probably how my brain 'works' - like a gigantic mass of screwed up and tangled knots, so everything comes out randomly / in disarray. Probably why I cannot do complex and / or logical thinking, can only mug. Which is also why there are certain chem topics which I'm erhem godlike at, cus since sec 1 start mugging periodic table alr.
And then I digress off to some other random topic: the good thing about being the lab tech's 'pet' is that she no longer cares whatever you may do because she believes that you won't do / would do but ensuring the lab does not explode. And hence heating nitric acid on a hotplate while slowly filtering watermelon rind juice became a, well, form of recreation.
Maybe in the end I would do research, except I don't feel like doing those stone in front of fume hood doing the same thing for years that kind of research, dam boring and dam no life.
Final random note: I am X. But most people think I'm Y because I'm either so X that it seems impossible for me to be X, or because I'm so good at Z that people thinks that I'm Y. And also because of my common link to A make people believe that it's not likely for me to be X. And some people feel that I'm not X at all cus I just don't seem to be X. Oh and maybe cus I am able to treat the right groups of people correctly, so people think I'm Y.
If you are like o.o? at the above paragraph it's ok, cus I'm not intending to blatantly reveal it anyways. But if you somehow guessed it pls tell me yeah? Depending on who you are I would choose whether or not to kill / not kill you. :D
Nites ppl.